FAQ

1. What is this “G&G” organization: a support group, social group, a professional association or a club?

Guys And Girls are none of the above, and at the same time we are all of the above.
 
Formal “support groups” recommend/suggest/require that group members not have one-on-one relationships with other members of the group. Guys And Girls encourages individual to have one-on-one relationships; these heterosexual friendships can be male-female, male-male, or female-female.
 
An HIV infection is widely known as knowledge based condition. The more you know about HIV the better you are able to handle the individual characteristics of an HIV infection; as well as the very individual responses to HIV treatment. Most HIV “topics” are best discussed among HIV peers.
 
We are a social group because we aim to do fun social things with each other. We are a club because we all share one thing; an HIV infection. None of us walk around in our daily lives with a sign around our necks stating our HIV status, with hopes of finding others like ourselves.
 

2. What is G&G?

G&G is organized as part of a not-for-profit 501(c)(3) organization. G&G is a "club", run by HIV+ people, exclusively for HIV+ people; looking to meet others like themselves. This club/initiative/association/network is supported primarily by those most involved with G&G. There are no subsidies available or provided to anyone involved with G&G. Every member pays for any event they choose to attend; G&G cannot and does not sponsor anyone. Everyone performing any organizational function for G&G, does so on a voluntary basis.
 

3. I am a gay male, what do you offer me?

Guys And Girls has a sibling organization called Nothing But Guys (NBG). They do exactly what Guys And Girls does but they do it for HIV positive gay men. They have been doing this since 1998, and NBG can be reached at guys165727@aol.com.
 

4. Why don’t you offer more activities on weekends?

At one point in our history since 1995 we offered primarily weekend events. More recently we have found that weekend events don’t draw as well as weekday events. Our advice is that you participate and support G&G events whenever you see an event that even possibly fits your busy schedule.
Additionally, in NYC it is very difficult to find an interesting, quality, and moderately priced venue, and one that affords reasonable space to mix and mingle; we require unique high standards of excellence in spaces that we use. However, we welcome and encourage your suggestions on weekend venues that you feel we should consider.
 

5. What can I do to help Guys And Girls?

Tell a health care provider about G&G, refer a friend, and post a link to this site anywhere you think an HIV+ person might find the link. The greatest challenge G&G faces is finding other HIV+ people like us. Not only would you be helping this group grow, you are also helping another person with HIV find people like themselves. It is also good public health; specifically limiting the potential spread of HIV to those uninfected by HIV.
 

6. What is the age range of the group?

Interestingly, the age range of the group pretty much follows the demographics of the virus itself. However, if you want us to say the numbers we would estimate the range is early 20’s to around 60; with the thick of the group in the 40 to 60 range.
 

7. What do people From Guys And Girls Look like?

 They look just like you or I. We would have to take thousands of photographs to properly reflect all the members of Guys And Girls.

 
 8. Are restaurants, clubs, or venues in general told of the "like bodied" nature of our group?
 
No. We do not disclose anything to any one we make a reservation or booking with.
 
9. Why does Guys And Girls require a deposit to RSVP for an event?
A cash deposit helps ensure the person making the RSVP shows up to collect their deposit.
    
 10 . Nervousness about attending a Guys And Girls event for the 1st time.
 
Below you will find the new members expressed obstacle, how 4 established members responded, as well as several brief comments from Guys And Girls.

 

New member comment: "…my personal obstacle is nervous. I imagine there are a few of the established G&G members who have dealt with it in the past, and I was hoping they can extend a few tips on how to get past it.” 

Comment/tip #1

I mean I was nervous at my first event not knowing what to expect or who to meet. But then I was warmly greeted and taken back at the wonderful people I met who were in the exact same situation. Sometimes we speak about it, sometimes we don't. What matters is to just be in the company of individuals from all walks of life who are in the same situation. Their is no judging just great conversation on a wide range of topics. Also, the organizer of the group, Thorner, deserves his own sentence for his organization skills of picking out a spot and organizing a event that brings all of us together. It shows the human side of it. It also shows professionals who are living with it but are also living their lives the best way they can. I have met professionals ranging from finance to music in the group. Some I see every get-together, some I don't. What matters most is their presence, that they know what your going through. Also, might I add, we have laughter and fun at every event. It always is a enjoyable evening in the city. I thank god their is a group like this. My advice is check it out. Life is full of choices and opportunities. I made a choice and never regretted belonging to this wonderful group. 

 
Sent from my iPhone

Comment/tip #2

nervous about what? Why would you not come? We don't bite, we have no bases to judge you'll actually feel better being there. Turn that nonsense off.

Comment/tip #3

"While we all feel nervous primiarily wondering if all remain confidential, we all decided to "take the step" . Why? The alternative is living in further isolation and loneliness, vs the value and benefit of finding a community. So if you weigh the risk vs the reward -your answer should be clear.  And the icing on the cake is many of us have created wonderful friendships where we can in 1-1 or smaller groups talk about our challenges"

If you have other groups for which heterosexuals congregate, support and have fun, let us know.   I've searched the entire east coast and further, and have found none.

Comment/tip #4

Ok, I've given this some thought to reply.

For a long time I was in a very conventional lifestyle as a married man with kids.  So a group of single people gathering wasn't on my radar.  I only learned of the existence of G&G after I split from my wife.

Most of the G&G group members are functioning quite well with their status and are not defined by it.  I'm sure I'm not alone in compartmentalizing my status so that it is not "all-consuming".  Attending a function with others similarly situated is nice because everyone there understands, but on the other hand it is the common thread and thus brings the otherwise compartmetalized status to the forefront of my mind, something I try to supress as I go about my otherwise normal life.

I never once considered confidentiality an issue, though suggesting a friend come along for a new member might be a slipery slope of confidence unless that friend is also Poz.

My experience thusfar has been quite good and I have made friends that are important to me.  Keep up the good work.

Comment/tip from G&G

1.     Bring a personal friend to a G&G gathering to make yourself more comfortable.

2.     Let us know you are nervous and we’ll assign a same gender buddy who you can meet outside and prior to the G&G gathering. This gives you a buddy for the event.

3.     If uncomfortable at an event once there walkout, as quickly and freely as you walked in; these events are always in public spaces with no one holding you there.